You are not the beginning
nor the end
you are a multitude of discrete moments
all muted into this perfect present moment
You are the past and the future
leaning back and lurching forward
clinging, clinging onto these threads you have weaved
into your story
but these threads are fragile, translucent
they cannot hold you much longer
You. with your melting heart
your Anahata
raw
bruised
unforgiving
unstruck!
Be still
be open
be gentle
you are Coming Home
But Home is not where my heart is
my heart is there. and there.
beating, breathing in those in-between far flung spaces
where we find each other (sometimes)
but (always) inevitably part
Home is a soft place I dream of
In the crease of your arm
In the warmth of my acceptance
Home
( A short word
With a long story )
I am spent of these ongoing battles
I place these boulders down, one by one
They were not all mine to carry anyway
And I retreat here to this space
to this deepening awareness
that Life is suffering
that all things are transient
In-transit
As am I
Transition
Like the point of stillness between my in-breath and out breath
like the turning point of the seasons
as they unfurl effortlessly, majestically
according to their timeous ordered chapters
I am Fire and Earth
Water and Space
Whole in my Brokenness
perfectly flawed
I hold my Sankalpa
(What else is there to hold?)
I am not the beginning
nor the end
I am an enlivened particle
perfectly poised in the order of cosmic confusion
Home
I open the door
And there they are
Waiting
My abandoned orphans of consciousness
And they embrace me
in waves of love
in waves of tender rage
these long forgotten fragments of myself
I have lost along the way
I am here
where I am meant to be
My journey a meandering path
Home
Is anywhere
Ayesha Sabat
Ixopo Buddhist Retreat Centre, KZN – April 2018
Photo by Ayesha Sabat
© Ayesha Sabat